Novelty Runs: Proof That Mankind Is Getting Dumber.

The rise and popularity of the novelty run is more (as if we needed any) proof that the world is getting dumber.  The formula to start one is easy.  Have a theme that people will dress all "nutty and crazy" add some food or drink or both and you now own a fun run.  Your prize for finishing the run is t-shirt or hat and Facebook "bragging rights" that they were there. I am not sure if social media did not exist that these runs would either.

 I'm not talking about the Turkey Trots and the runs that have been around a long time for charity fundraising.  Also, I don't include the challenge runs such as the Spartan Run or Warrior Dash.  They have a purpose, real obstacles with legitimate challenges.

I'm talking about the novelty runs that should just be an event.  Why even add the running part?  Serious runners don't do these.  I haven't met anyone training for the Krispy Kreme Challenge.  I get it.  They want to add a fun element to running.  I have a hard time believing that these runs are kick-starting anyone into being regular runners like the promoters trying to tell people.  Here are a few of the runs I found:

1. 5K Foam Fest - Oh boy FOAM!  You start out running through a tunnel filled with foam and you get to go down an inflatable slide covered in foam which they have cleverly called "the death drop".   Just for good measure there is a bounce house filled with foam too.  
2. Mustache Dache - Look out wacky runners this one you get to slap on a fake mustache and run.  The wackiness doesn't stop there!  You get a mustache shaped medal to hang around your neck, a chocolate mustache on a stick and of course a mustache themed shirt so everyone knows you ran the Mustache Dache.
3. All the "Color" runs - These are those nutty races that they shot you with colored corn starch before, during and after the race.  It appears these are the most popular ones based on the number of them.  Some of the races include:  Color Me Rad, The Color Run, The Neon Run, The Color Vibe, Run or Dye Run,  The Blacklight Run and so on....and on.....and on.....and on.  New ones are popping up all the time.
4. The Wine Run - All the water stations give you wine instead of water.  
5. The Krispy Kreme Challenge - You have to consume a dozen Krispy Kreme donuts (2,400 calories and 144 grams of fat) before crossing the finishing line of this 5K event.  I like Krispy Kreme donuts but after 2 of them my stomach is sore and I get the shakes.  A dozen of them....while running....I'm dead.  
6. Food Fight 5K - You are given goggles and food to throw.  Instead of the usual break stations.....you guessed it more food to throw.  Why bother with the run?  I "might" be more interested if they held just a big food fight.  
7. The Zombie Run - The 5K "run from the people dressed as zombies".  

I am sure there are many runs I am missing.  You get the point though.  So for around $50 per runner you go home dirty and got an ugly shirt or hat for your efforts.  However, these novelty runs seem to sell out all the time.  So, maybe it's time to jump on the bandwagon!  

I am going to start a brand new run.  I will get all the proper city permits, schedule security, rent Honey Buckets and assemble some volunteers.  Introducing......

The Junk Run - The "run so fun it hurts".  I am bringing back the Kicked in the Nuts guy to promote it and everyone gets an orange wig and one size fits most coveralls for participating.  The zany, crazy part is that a few participants are picked to kick the others in the junk during the run!  So, for only $55 you get to run and the opportunity/chance to take a solid shot to the cash and prizes.  Yes, girls are included.  Boys only kick boys and girls only kick girls.  Who's in?  

Here's an old episode of Kicked in the Nuts to remind you of the fun you could be having.

See you at The Junk Run!

That's all for now.

Nano Nano,

-Brent